“Comparison is the thief of joy”~Theodore Roosevelt
I must tell you that I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I have so much gratitude for the internet, technology, and social media because I have met some of my greatest mentors and intelligent minds through this media. On the other hand, I can find myself making unending comparisons against others-body, weight, wrinkles, age, house, kids, jobs, vacations…the list can go on and on…and on and on. When I start getting into this tailspin of envy, there are 5 simple things that help me get out of it pretty quickly and increase moments of joy:
Take a break from your phone! Yep. That’s right. I put down my phone-my usual device for scrolling through all of the social media platforms. Put it on silent. Throw it in your purse or bag. Leave the area. It could be just walking away for 15-30 minutes at a time-yes, I said “at a time”. I make sure to take several breaks throughout the day from my phone all together. Recent research identifies that the mere presence of our smartphones impairs our cognitive performance https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/06/30/cellphones-distraction-study_a_23009948/. Crazy, right?! It makes so much sense though! So, by taking a break from my phone, not only am I taking a break from the comparisons I am getting into with social media, I am also increasing cognitive functioning!
Take a breath. The simple practice of turning inward to focus on my breath helps me ground myself and steady my thoughts. Deep and focused breathing has so many benefits, it is actually difficult to list them all as thoroughly as I would like. What I do want to express is the fact that this skill is so fantastic because my breath is always with me…until the very day that I die-a bit morbid, you get my point though, right?! Another reason it is wondrous is the fact that it increases joy with a minimal amount of work because our body is doing most of the work for us. Check out more of the benefits of deep breathing in the link below: https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill.
Look outward. I find that when I focus my attention on the details of my environment, it helps with full presence of the moment and takes me out of my crazy thoughts. I take it all in through all of my senses…well, usually. I like to take a walk. On my walk, I am slow and methodical. I touch the walls. I touch and smell whatever is around me-plants, flowers, the air. I close my eyes to take in the noises and feel the air against my skin. I listen to the sounds all around me. I take in every single sensation possible. The very first time I engaged in this exercise, I saw bright colors all around me and even had the opportunity to see a baby praying mantis in a garden that I walked by at work every single day. Here is another exercise you can try https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx
Offer gratitude. This is a skill that is developed. It is not something we are born with. It is a skill that has to be practiced daily. It is a skill that helps develop empathy-which helps break the comparison cycle. When I tap into my gratitude, I am able to be truly happy for the experiences others are offered, because I am in a place where I am happy for all of the experiences I have been offered throughout my life. I practice gratitude every single morning. And it is not just a list of items, they are full sentences. Some days, I am grateful for a reliable vehicle. Some days I am grateful for a supportive husband. Some days I am grateful to be in a warm and dry house. Gratitude has even been proven to have physical benefits! And it literally takes 5 minutes out of my day, and impacts my outlook and ability to handle stress throughout the entire day-totally worth it! https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#563dfddc183c
Perspective. Have you ever heard the statement “you create your own reality”? This statement rings very true when it comes from viewing life experiences through my own lens. A very long time ago, someone told me “stop comparing your inside to someone else’s outside”. This statement has stayed with me and helped me get out of the comparison and self-pity cycle. It helps tremendously with putting things into perspective. We all know that sometimes, at our most difficult times in life, we put on the biggest smile. Our outward appearance (aka. facade) does not match what is happening on the inside. So, when I see pictures of others jet setting and living it up, I remember this statement. I have no clue if they are sharing their true experience and feelings. I have met the most fortunate individuals that have all of the luxuries and material things they ever asked for, living in the deepest depression. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-personal-narrative/201906/the-power-perspective-taking
So, if you want to stay in the comparison-self-pity cycle, then keep doing what you are doing. If you want to increase joy and live your best life, then try these five simple skills. I hope you choose the change. It is worth every second!
Well said. Not scrolling and being in gratitude have been helping me a lot!