Dropping the “F” Bombs

These “F” bombs may not be what you think they are. The bombs that I am talking about stop us dead in our tracks from taking courageous steps towards our big Dreams. They create a confusion and leave us second guessing ourselves. They wreak havoc on our self esteem and leave us in a state of anxiety and depression. They have the ability to create chaos in our relationships. Fear and Failure. Put them together with a two letter word in the middle and you get Fear of Failure.

A bomb is “an explosive weapon that uses the exothermic reaction of an explosive material to provide an extremely sudden and violent release of energy”. Fear of failure releases so much negative energy into the universe that makes it next to impossible to step into your success.

Don’t get me wrong…Fear is a very important emotion to be recognized and taken seriously in the correct situations. For instance, I want to listen to fear when I cross paths with a black bear-something common in the North Georgia Mountains. I want to notice my fear when I see an erratic driver on the highway and know the importance of literally steering clear of that driver. The fear that I am talking about is the kind that does not match the situation we are currently experiencing. It’s the kind that keeps us from taking courageous steps towards our Authentic Self and Life Purpose.

I want you to take a moment to think about all of the times you have allowed fear to make the decisions in your life. That moment you didn’t speak up in the meeting. That time you didn’t take your dream job because it didn’t pay enough. That time you passed up an opportunity with a start up company. That moment you said “no” to the love of your life about moving in together or getting married. There are also the fears that speak out in our behaviors. These are the times we might sabotage opportunities. They may be the moments where you procrastinate on a project and show up unprepared. It may look like kissing another person when you are already in a relationship. It could also look like blaming others or external situations for your current situation.

How ever fear of failure shows up in your life, please know there is a different way to live. Ironically, you may have to stretch outside your comfort zone, which typically creates more fear, to get to that life. What is waiting on the other side of fear is your BEST life…the life you were meant to live.

As I reflect on my personal experiences, I am able to recognize how much fear has impacted my decisions and behaviors. I have pushed people away-really hard-through yelling, cheating, blaming, lying, crying. You name it, I did it. I was so fearful of being hurt and abandoned that I would do anything to validate my own fears. I had a deep belief that I was not good enough, and that I was a failure in life. I was much younger at this time, so I had no clue what I was doing. I just knew I was hurting and confused.

Here are a few ways to know you are living out of fear of failure:

1. You are constantly worried about what others think of you.
2. You worry about your ability to pursue your future desires.
3. You worry that failing will leave you doubting your intelligence and abilities.
4. You tend to procrastinate and ‘run out of time’ to prepare for an event adequately.
5. You allow failure to defeat you, which leaves you unable to problem solve other options to the issue at hand.
6. You blame outside circumstances or situations on your current complacency.

Any of the above sound familiar? Can you relate?

Now allow me to offer some suggestions to overcome this fear. There are a few prerequisites though. You must be open minded. You must be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. You must be willing to shift your mindset AND take action.

If you agree to all of the above, then you may proceed to the solution:

1. Embrace the Fear. Once you become aware of your fear, embrace it. You must first accept the fear before you can step through it. If you attempt to push down, or suppress, you fear, it is sure to come out all sorts of sideways. Allow yourself to experience the fear. Notice it in your body. Notice it in your thoughts. Allow the physical and mental experience to come and go like waves on a beach. Not holding onto any thoughts or feelings.
2. Get Curious. Once you are able to accept the fear, you have the ability to observe it. Wonder where it is coming from. An old message or belief? Judgements of self, others, or the situation? Are you caught in catastrophizing? Inspect it as if it was a feeling you have never experienced before this moment.
3. Shift your Mindset. Challenge your thinking patterns. Identify the opportunities that arise from taking chances. Focus more on the learning that will come with each step you take outside of your comfort zone. Visualize overcoming your fear and making it to the other side.
4. Set Goals. If you already have a big Life Vision, set some 90 day goals, and then set a goal each day that brings you closer to your Ideal Life and Life Purpose. Make them obtainable at first. Then increase in discomfort each day-reaching further past your comfort zone, yet still obtainable. By setting your goals up this way, you will build confidence. It is important to also expand your goals to just beyond what you are comfortable to allow yourself to stretch your limits.
5. Small Intentional Steps. Take small steps every single day to overcome your fear. It is important to be as intentional as possible with each step. Identify how these steps are moving you towards your goals, Life Purpose, and Ideal Live Vision. This may look like speaking up on a ‘safe’ topic at a staff meeting. It can also be telling your significant other that you are about to be vulnerable with them and asking them for what you need (ie. to listen, or feedback, or validation). This may also look like being emotionally vulnerable with your boss or co-worker about how you are feeling.

Now that you have the awareness and the ‘know how’, it is your turn to step into the life you were always meant to live!

Always Sending Love, LJ