Enough. A journey towards self acceptance.

“In a world where you can be anything, be yourself”~Etta Turner

Comparisons and harsh self criticism becomes a vicious cycle if we allow it. As I go through my day, talking with other professionals that include Directors, Vice Presidents, and CEO’s, I find myself comparing…wishing I was anything but myself…smarter, more driven, healthier, prettier, more stylish, more direct…the list can go on and on. I remember the age I started comparing myself to others and wishing I was different. This thought process is nothing new to me. It began around the 5th grade-which I am somewhat grateful for since I know some struggle with self esteem at a much earlier age. I remember getting made fun of for my weight and the fact that I looked like a boy. Yep. I sure did look like a boy. I grew up with my three uncles. I absolutely adored my middle uncle, who was a skateboarder and just seemed so damn cool. I wanted to be just like him. I asked for a skateboard for Christmas. I wore big and baggy clothes and ‘boy’ sneakers. I listened to his music-Dead Kennedys, The Cure, Beastie Boys. I cut my hair lopsided and short, with one side almost shaved. At the sweet age of 10, I was asked out by a girl at the mall because she thought I was a boy. It was at this pivotal age that my family began noticing how ‘plump’ I had become. I know in my heart that my family means the best for me. That being said, I don’t think it was the best for my self esteem that my grandmother made me join weight watchers with her. That began my yo-yo dieting. Instead of developing a healthy relationship with food, I developed a ‘feast or famine’ type of relationship, which really just turned into a feast and purge relationship. That, my friends, is a story for another day though. I did want to give you a bit of a history to better understand my ‘never good enough’ thought process.

So, into the solution. After many, MANY years of therapy, self exploration, mentors, supportive family and friends, I am able to challenge the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts). I am able to replace them with healthier thoughts filled with compassion and self acceptance. My breath is my best friend and my anchor. My breath allows me to slow down. It allows me to step back. It allows me to observe my thoughts instead of being consumed by them. And it allows me to offer myself compassion. I relate negative statements to the Gottman magic ratio of 5 to 1 in relationships. For every negative interaction during conflict, a relationship must have five or more positive interactions. In the aspect of self acceptance and compassion, for every one negative self statement, I must have five positive self statements. After several deep breaths, focus, and attention, my statements look like this:

1. I allow myself to accept my body, just the way it is, while developing a healthier relationship with food.
2. I allow myself to accept my personal journey. It was made for me and I am right where I am supposed to be.
3. The universe has created me, just the way I am, and on purpose. It is up to me to connect with that purpose.
4. I am a beautiful and imperfect human being.
5. I am loving, thoughtful, compassionate, and I am enough.

I encourage you to love yourself, exactly where you and how you are at this very moment. It is not until we accept ourselves, our current situation, and our experiences, that we are able to move forward with growth.

Much love, LJ

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