Finding My Way

There are so many signals throughout my life that were trying to let me know that I was slowly losing myself. The hurt and pain was a big signal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the words or understand what exactly the hurt was trying to tell me. I only knew I felt empty and lost. I only knew that I was trying to soothe myself with any way possible and I was leaving a path of destruction in my wake. I felt horrible and shameful for all of the devastation throughout my life. It is very true that “hurt people hurt people”. I could see what I was doing in the moment, and couldn’t stop it. The need to feel comfort was more overwhelming than suffering the consequences. I was caught in a shame spiral.

I always turned to poetry and music for my inner expressions. At 16 years of age, my favorite poet was Edgar Allen Poe and my favorite bands included Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. I was bulimic and self-harming almost every single day. I was cutting classes to go use alcohol or drugs. I was using men to try to feel whole. I was also on the swim team and made it to State Championship. I had a B average and was on a committee to save the planet. I had a lot of friends. I was loud and pretty much presented as happy in public.

When you look at the girl in the picture, you would NEVER know the depths of despair she was enduring.

I look at her now with compassion and love. I look at that hurting child and remind her that she is a beautiful soul. It took me YEARS to find and know my worth. It then took me several more years to HEAL all of the hurt parts of me from my past. I no longer need external validation to know my worth. I have created a strong Spiritual Connection, who loves me unconditionally because I am perfectly imperfect, just as I was created to be. I know my gifts. I know my passions. I am able to be sit in calm, rather than creating chaos. I released my self limiting beliefs and stepped far away from the shame cycle. I am Authentically, and Unapologetically Me. And I am Amazingly Beautiful.

Since my last post identified ways to identify when you are out of alignment with your Authentic Self, I thought it would be appropriate to now share some ways to align with your Authentic Self:

1. Increase Awareness. Any healing process begins with Mindfulness. We need to be aware of how our past hurts are impacting our current life. To do this, we must train our brain to get quiet enough to hear our inner voice. Here is a place to begin: https://insighttimer.com. This is the MOST amazing FREE app for meditation. There are so many options…from how long you want the meditation to be, to what you want to focus on, to podcasts and classes. I suggest working from the LovingKindness Meditation, or a meditation on cultivating compassion so you can effectively practice #2.
2. Love your Inner Child. Once we learn how to train our brain to slow down and listen, we are able to reflect on our past hurts without feeling overwhelmed. Then, we are able to begin healing the younger parts of us. There are several methods to this healing process, most of which include inner child work. You will want to begin with one of your past hurts. Recall how old you were. Come to this child with absolute love, affection, and compassion. Embrace this child. Let them know they are unconditionally loved. Speak to them as you would your own child or someone you love dearly.
3. Release your Inner Child. When you are loving your Inner Child in #2, ask them what they need from you right at that moment. When I have done this myself, and with clients, there are a multitude of activities that come up. You may find yourself singing and dancing like no-one is watching. You may find yourself coloring. You may find yourself swinging at the playground. Embrace it! And above all…LAUGH while doing it! Laughter is a great way to connect with your Authentic Self!
4. Journal. This is an intentional journaling that includes writing 5 successes. I call these “acknowledgments” because we are acknowledging our growth. It is important to recognize ALL successes. It is so easy for us to disregard what we believe are ‘small successes’. For instance, I acknowledge when I am honest about my thoughts and feelings with my husband of 15 years. Even though we have been together for a while, it is still sometimes scary for me to be vulnerable with my feelings when I am caught up in my conditioned thinking/self. The more I acknowledge my successes, the more confident I feel, and the more I will take these courageous risks to stay in alignment with my Authentic Self.
5. Take Loving Actions. Notice how you are nourishing your body, mind, and spirit. What foods are you eating? What movies are you watching? What books are you reading? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you moving your body enough? Who are you surrounding yourself with? Do they nourish your soul and lift your spirits? Are you taking time to connect with your Spiritual Connection? These are all very loving actions towards yourself that keep you in alignment with your Authentic Self.

In closing, I would like to leave you with this…Know your worth. Embrace ALL parts of you. You are an unlimited spiritual being. You are a beautiful soul. Find yourself. Love yourself. Know yourself. You need you. The world needs you. Let your Soul Shine.

Much love, LJ