Human first

“There is no difference between ourselves and others: None of us wishes even the slightest of sufferings, nor is even content with the happiness we have. Realizing this, we seek your blessings that we may enhance the bliss and joy of others”~The Guru Paja

When we live in a society that cherishes and idealizes individuality and competition, it is no surprise that more than two in ten adults in the United States (22%) and the United Kingdom (23%) say they always or often feel lonely, lack companionship, or feel left out or isolated https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/#6ca3cdce7676. Many are taught that we are unique. We are taught that we need to be the “best”. Many are taught that life is a competition. Many are taught that we must get the best grades to get into the best schools so we can get the best jobs. We are taught extreme individualism, extreme perfectionism, and extreme success, which is creating an immense amount of suffering in todays culture. It is creating a lack of compassion towards self and others, as well as a lack of community.

One of my memories regarding these very beliefs includes the first time I received a B on a test. I was in the 5th grade. It was a math test. Math was difficult for my mind to comprehend. I remember my grandmother yelling at me with the test in her hand. She was always one that believed in getting the best grades and really believed in the value of hard work to get to your goals. Her words and behaviors stuck with me. It taught me that I was not good enough, smart enough, hard working enough. I was not enough. I am absolutely sure this was not her intention. At the age of 10, it was my experience though.

I am not sure about all of you, but I know that I was taught about “survival of the fittest”. I believed that it was natural to strive towards greatness due to the need for survival. What a fear based way to live! After more research, pro-social studies are showing that kindness is part of human evolution. That survival is about cooperation rather than competition. This belief sits so much better with me. One of my core values is connection to self and others that creates a deep empathy and compassion for all, thus creating a loving and kind world.

Let’s take a look at self compassion. For so long, I believed that if I was kind to myself, I would become ‘lazy’ and lack motivation to continue to better myself. I held the belief that self kindness and compassion would lead to self centeredness. What I have come to realize is that self compassion is simply being kind to oneself in the face of adversity. It is fully accepting our human condition. Our human condition is the fact that imperfection is part of who we are-each and every one of us. It is accepting that ‘set backs’ or ‘failures’ or ‘mistakes’ is part of being human. It is the belief that these experiences are all opportunities to grow. It is the believe that my ‘mistakes’ were part of what led me to my destiny. It is the belief that all humans have this experience.

In fully accepting the human condition, we are also recognizing that we are not alone in our struggles. That the human condition is universal. It is the realization that, although we may come from different cultures, backgrounds, situations, etc….we are all connected by our humanness in that we are all perfectly imperfect and that we can all connect on an emotional level. We all know suffering. We all know fear. We all know joy. We all know happiness. To accept and understand the human condition is to be able to offer self compassion and compassion towards others. THIS is the key to decrease loneliness. THIS is the key to decrease suffering. THIS is the key to increase love. THIS is the key to increased connection.

Much Love, LJ

4 comments