I Am that I Am

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining after a few rainy days. For the last two weeks, Eli had been asking to go fishing. The day had finally arrived that I was able to take him. As we arrived at the river, I took a deep breath, looked around, took in the scenery and beauty of the day and offered gratitude. As I stood there, watching my boys filled with excitement in learning how to cast a line, I was filled with conflicted emotions. I know my husband is against fishing (unless it is for food…and none of us particularly enjoy the taste of fish, sooooo we are definitely not fishing to survive). I was stuck in a predicament. I wanted to offer my kids the experience I was given when I was younger, as I fondly remember fishing with my grandfather. I also always want to support and foster my kids interests. And I want to support my husband’s beliefs, as I know it comes from a loving place (he is a huge lover of all animals and cannot fathom hurting them for any sport. As I was perched on the warm rock next to the river, watching my boys’ fishing experience unfold, I found myself falling into my pattern of self deprecation. You all know what I am referring to… the “I am not good enough” talk I give to myself. Truth be told…I do not do everything perfectly (whatever “perfectly” may be). I am not a perfect wife. I am not a perfect mother. I am not a perfect daughter. I am not a perfect sister. I am not a perfect friend. NEWSFLASH…there is NO such thing as perfection when it comes to living life. There is ONLY doing my best every day and striving to be ‘better’ than the day before

Another thing I have come to know as truth…for all of the things I know I am not…I also now know what I am: I am a loving mother. I am a wife that works hard to be supportive and attentive. I am a hard worker. I am a loyal friend. I am a sister that works hard to be understanding and supportive when my siblings need me. I am a daughter that works hard to empathize with her mother through all of the happy times, all of the sad times, and all of the times in between. I am a leader who works daily to know the human beings I work with…to place them as humans first, then employees. I am a woman who has worked hard to love herself. ALL of her. Every little piece of who she is. I have come a long way (with a lot of help, support and challenge from others who have been placed in my life). And I am excited that I still have more to go.

So, whatever you are doubting about yourself. Whatever negative things you are telling yourself about how “good” or “bad” you are. If you are telling yourself ” I am not a good enough ____(fill in the blank with literally anything)”, I challenge you. Right in this moment. Even if it is just for this moment…Remember ALL of the wonderful things you ARE. You mean the world to someone…let that someone be you.

With much love, LJ