Messages from your Loving Wise Adult

Have you ever thought about what it would be like if your inner voice was actually a person? Would you spend time with this person? Is this person the kind of person you would call a friend? Does this person resemble your values?

For me, the answer was a resounding NO. There is no way I would want to spend time with a constant worrier. Someone who is always harshly criticizing herself for all that she is and is not. Living in the “could’s” and “should’s”. I “could” have done that better. I “should” not feel this way. A professional woman consistently living in a state of perfectionism and need to “keep it all together”, which only led to a feeling of constant burnout in all areas of her life and never feeling “enough”. Who would want to hang out with someone who comes from a state of scarcity rather than abundance, keeping her in a state of yearning for a life filled with abundance and freedom from emotional suffering. I think you get the picture. Not pretty, right?! Yet that was my truth for so many years…decades even.

Now I want you to turn inward. Tune into the voice that is constantly in your head. What is it saying to you? What is it saying about you? About your current situation? What is it saying about the world? About others?

This brief practice allows you to take a moment to get curious about the way you talk to yourself 24/7. It offers you an opportunity to recognize how you are treating yourself, and if there is anything you want to change about self love and compassion.

If you were like me about six years ago (referring to the 2nd paragraph) then you know that it is emotionally exhausting. I was depressed looking for any way to soothe-usually focusing on achievement…if I just get to “XYZ” I will be happy-which is really just living in a state of scarcity and fear. I refer to this harsh inner critic as the conditioned self.

Good news to all who can relate. There is a different way of living! How motivated are you to release self-limiting beliefs and emotional suffering? Intellectually, that would be a no brainer with a response of “of course I am highly motivated to live a life free of emotional suffering and increased joy”. So why aren’t more suffering people freeing themselves? Because it takes daily work and a ton of increased awareness. When we are working to change our harsh inner critic, we are fighting against YEARS of conditioned thinking and behaviors. We receive these messages from our family, society, bosses, mentors, coaches, teachers. When we are growing up, we are sponges. We are taking in all of the data around us to interpret our reality. Often times, those around us are operating from their conditioned self without knowing, thus passing their harsh inner critic/conditioned self onto us. That is how most individuals spend at least part, or even most, of their lives.

It is important to note that these conditioned statements were created to protect us. They work hard to protect us from hurt, pain, rejection, abandonment, embarrassment. You name it, we are trying to protect ourselves from it. This is imperative to understand so we can move forward in our healing process with compassion-thanking our conditioned self for all of the protection, while our loving wise adult reassures our inner child that we are safe and that we are loved unconditionally so we can heal from past pains and hurts.

If you want to change the trajectory of your life, you must begin from within. We must change our lens, our reality, and begin healing our inner child in order to reflect onto the world the beauty that is within each of us.

Here are some steps to take TODAY to begin this process:

• Get quiet. Sit in a quiet place, even if you only have about 15 minutes. Tune into your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself, about yourself, about your situation. Allow yourself to get curious. Work at avoiding judgements about your thoughts. Recognize them for what they are…just thoughts.
• Journal. Be sure to have a journal, notebook, or piece of paper and a pen next to you. Once you finish with your quiet reflection, write down what you noticed. Identifying thoughts and feelings that arose during this practice.
• Reflect. Look at some of the statements that you noticed in your practice. Bring to light those statements that are particularly hurtful and judgmental. Where did you develop those statements and beliefs? How old were you?
• Connect. Now, go back into your mind and imagine yourself at the age that you identified in your reflection. Imagine this younger part of you. Imagine your current adult form (aka. Loving Wise Adult) standing with your child self. Look at her/him through loving eyes. See this child for all the gifts and joys they were brought onto this Earth to share.
• Love. Identify what this child needed to hear at this time from their Loving Wise Adult. What kind and compassionate words do they need to hear right at this moment? Allow your Loving Wise Adult to speak these things to the child they are with. Allow this child to know they are loved unconditionally, for all they were gifted on this Earth to bring.
• Journal. Again, take time to reflect on the statements of your Loving Wise Adult. Write them down. Keep them with you so you can pull them out whenever your conditioned self comes back out, was it often will…several time throughout the day.

My hope is that this writing and exercise finds you with all of the love and compassion that was poured into the words. Embrace your inner light. Embrace your inner child. You are beautiful and loved. You are unique with your gifts and your are connected to the universe.

Much love, LJ

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