Self Care..what’s that??

What a cliche term. It is overused and often misunderstood. Many people think about rest and relaxation. Many think of spa get aways. Vacations. Massages. Yoga and meditation retreats. Weekend vacations at wineries (maybe that one is just mine?). Others think about getting the appropriate amount of sleep. Nourishing their body with healthy food. Daily exercise. Though all of this is accurate…that these are all forms of self care…there is a side that is often not understood or even considered as self care. That form of self care is about vulnerability. About emotional honesty. About self compassion. I constantly read and listen to books and podcasts that inspire me. Many of books also create a lot of self judgement. For instance, if I want to succeed, I should be getting up at 5am to make the most out of my day. I should be exercising daily. I should be setting my daily intentions. I should be writing in my gratitude journal daily. Again…all accurate and very healthy for my mind, body, and spirit. Sometimes though, my self care is sleeping in. Sometimes it is simply taking a shower, getting dressed and putting on makeup. On those self care days, I have to work hard on my practice of self compassion, which is another form of self care. I realize that I am doing my best on those days. And I offer myself compassion and grace.

Another form of self care that is often not discussed is honesty. I can get down on myself and resentful of others. During self evaluation, I recognize it is often because of a boundary I did not establish. It is because of my unspoken expectations or plans for the day/week/month that become interrupted by others plans. This is because we never communicated our individual needs, wants, or expectations. At this times, my self care is emotional vulnerability and honesty. It is saying no to unwanted requests. It is saying yes to driving two hours, or more, one way to see friends that fill me up. It is being really vulnerable with my husband about my fears, my sadness, and my needs. It is asking for help when I need it…and here’s the kicker…it is doing all of this WITHOUT the belief I am a weaker person for it. Self care is about allowing myself to cry…even if it’s in front of others. It is allowing myself to laugh. It is about self acceptance. It is about acceptance of others. It is about recognizing when I am mad at myself for not being emotionally honest and authentic and when appropriate (which is almost always) having that difficult conversation with that person because all of my frustration is coming out sideways onto them. It’s about taking responsibility for my shortcomings. It is also about giving back what is not a fault of mine to its right owner.

Self care is also about getting curious. It’s about asking your significant other if they left the dishes in the sink because they don’t care about you and just want to kiss you off. Yes people…real question I ask and sometimes monthly. You see, I have this tendency to create realities in my head that are not reality, like the thought that I am so important that people do things towards me just to piss me off. What is more accurate is that others actions are rarely about me whatsoever…crazy, I know.

So, whatever your form of self care today, be sure to do the following:

• recognize it
• nonjudgmentally
• self compassionately
• honestly
• give yourself a pat on the back for being so great to yourself

Much love, LJ