Who I Want To Be…

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty -four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all being with eyes of compassion.”~Thich Nhat Hanh

During this pandemic, it has been difficult for me, or any of us for that matter, to know the ‘next right thing’ to do. I get confused on how to act, how to respond, how worried to be, how calm to be, how positive to be, how to talk to my kids about it, how to talk to my husband about it, how to talk to my family about it, how to talk to my friends about it, and how to talk to my staff about it. I think you get it. I just get confused. And I don’t think I am alone in this one.

As I move through this event, I can become overwhelmed with sadness. I was at the grocery store the other day and my eyes began filling with tears. I was greeting everyone with a smile as we passed, taking note of those who were wearing gloves and masks. Being ever aware of my six feet distance to any single person. Then it hit me and hit me hard. I saw parents with a toddler in the cart who was wearing a mask. My chest grew heavy, tears filled my eyes, and sadness enveloped me. The thought “this can’t be our new way of living” entered my mind. I suddenly had thoughts and pictures rushing through my head of people living in fear, scarcity, and isolation. My entire body and mind filled with sadness. Thoughts that kids would grow up thinking we have to be distanced and isolated to be safe. That we would have to eternally live in a world of social distancing without the comfort of a hug or touch from others. That we, and our children, would live out of a place of fear, rather than faith and trust in the universe. That we would forever live out of a place of scarcity rather than abundance. So…I continued to walk through the grocery store, with some very deep breathing to cleanse the fear and replace it with compassion and faith- which became my mantra throughout the remainder of my shopping experience.

When I returned home, I didn’t speak of this experience for a long while. It was not until my children went to bed that I briefly mentioned the experience to my husband. I even let it sit for a few days, just going about ‘as usual’. It was not until I sat-via FaceTime-with my spiritual counselor that I truly allowed myself to experience the immense amount of sadness I felt at that moment, along with all of the other moments of fear and sadness surrounding this pandemic. With some further discussion, visual imagery, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), I was able to recognize, embrace, and release these fears. I did not suppress them, as I did earlier in the week. I noticed them. I accepted them. I embraced them. I filled my spirit with light, love, and faith. She then gave me an exercise to complete after our session “Who I Want to Be During this Time”. It took me a few days to ponder and truly get in touch with my inner spirit and guide. As I sat quietly with internal reflection, it all became clear. This is what I wrote of who I want to be throughout this pandemic:

“I am the bright light that creates warmth and beauty everywhere I go. I create a safe space for my family, staff, and all I come in contact with. I cover the world with golden light that creates compassion and connection between all human beings. I create a space for my children to continue to enjoy the beauty in the world. I create a stable and safe space for my staff. I continue to exude positive, healing, and compassionate energy that surrounds the entire world. I offer gratitude for all this moment is teaching me, my family, and the world. I offer gratitude for all that I have, as my life is abundant. I lean into my faith rather than hide in fear. I continue to support the economy. I become more visible to support those who are struggling. I offer a smile and support to those in need. I acknowledge my own fears and approach them with understanding and compassion. By doing this, I am able to show others the human condition and eternal connection we all have and need. I teach that it is not survival of the fittest, rather it is survival together.”

I read this daily as a reminder of who I strive to be every day.

My challenge to you is to write your own “Who I Want to Be”. I would love for you to share it. Become visible. You never know who you might connect with and who needs to hear your story today.

Much love, LJ

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